Just Relax

We had a fantastic long weekend.

Our original plans to go camping fell by the wayside.

We've been too busy.  Too busy to get the trailer ready.  Too busy to make reservations. Too busy to get ourselves ready.

And so we decided to abort the May Long camping plan.

Instead, we found rest and refreshing.

We made an impromptu trip to Saskatoon and ate well, relaxed well and shopped in all sorts of fun spots.

The next evening, we were invited out for supper and had the best night with close friends - laughing, sharing life, spontaneous dancing, sitting by the fire and far too much really good food.

While "life" required me to go to work yesterday, it was okay but today I sit at home again, facing my to-do list.

I've wanted to talk about my to-do list for awhile.  I was going to quietly brag talk about my efficiency.  But I couldn't quite compose a post without it sounding like a commercial.  And so, this list thing of mine has stayed quietly in my head.

I think it's pretty safe to say that I'm a bit of a geek.  Or maybe I should say "Geek" (with a capitol G).  I like lists.  I like making lists and I like crossing things off lists.

Last September I felt like our household needed major help so that we could live with a little less stress when it comes to home responsibilities.  I've tried checklists before but nothing ever stayed successful for more than a month.

Determined to be fully committed to improving my presence at home, I developed a very simple system.  No computer downloads, no online prompts or helps.

Just a simple notebook with a few categories to fill in and live by each week.

Left page - my weekly shopping list
Right page (top) - my weekly menu plan, for 5 days only, leaving the weekends free for spontaneity and/or leftovers.  Menu ideas for school and work lunches.  Menu plans strictly dictate the weekly shopping list.
Right page (bottom) - my weekly to-do list

Pages are pre-dated all the way through 2015.  If there's something that I know I need to do 2 weeks from now, I write it in on that page and forget about it until then.  It's on paper, out of my head.  Win win.

This system is WORKING!

Our grocery expenses are cheaper.  My stress level for cooking has lightened.  Boys are agreeable to weekly meal projections and often add in requests.  My to-do list gets mastered.  Consistently.

There's only ONE. SMALL. PROBLEM.

I'm sick of being told what to do.

Ha ha.

That sounds kind of funny.

But I have noticed a lack of spontaneity and an upswing of the "need" to be list conquering.  Feels kind of "yucky".  Feels like I've taken this organizational project a bit farther than it was meant to be taken.  Granted, it could be "May" talking - you know the month with all of the calendar squares filled to overflowing and the time of year when school schedules start to really suck.  ;)

So I sat down this morning and addressed (Mr./Mrs.) "To Do" in writing, to let him/her know how I feel.

Mind numbing lists.

 

At the start, they were the key to my sanity.

Truthfully, they still are.

But, once in awhile, these crazy

"to-do" "to-buy" "to consider" lists

Drive me a little bit crazy.

Like I'm a slave to them.

those words, directives, demands

COMMANDS

own me

boss me

possess me

 

My responsible brain

my creative brain even

leans on these words

and submits to their requests

without question

 

I think that's the point.

Really.

 

But they've been so possessive.

When do I get to live a day

with random spontaneity

Cooking from the freezer without forethought?

 

I'm taking this far too seriously

Taking life far too seriously

Yet trying so hard to cope

with some measure of grace

with the demands shoved in my face

 

This isn't what I wanted...

coping methods developed to manage

too many expectations

 

Being stretched - it's good

Overly taut, like a rubber band -

Not so much

 

So many things to wrestle with

My family, friends, my job, volunteer responsibilities

Give Give Give

How I sincerely love to do that

 

But this isn't necessarily

the LEGACY

that I want to leave behind...

....a notebook full of lists

neatly crossed off when complete

 

 

Not everything that begs for attention

Can be crossed off a list

 

The growing boys

Teenage bodies of

emotion-laced striving

succeeding and struggling

...you don't cross them off the to-do list as

"done" "complete"

The words on the list fade, their importance fades

when teenaged stories - happy and sad - beg to be spoken

 

Yet these to-do lists are

mostly about them

- their lives -

- their needs -

Their appetites for food -

physical food

emotional food

mental food

 

Once in awhile - I get lost

I get overloaded

I get thrown against the wall

Figuratively speaking, of course

 

The words on these lists crawl off the page

and slither up my body

Threatening to strangle me

Request by request

 

So maybe, for this week, I'll leave the page fairly blank

As white as possible, really.

Can I stop trying to be so smart

and just start to relax?

I'm trying so hard to get ahead of myself

To own this crazy household

That I've become its' slave

instead of its' master

 

So,  I've put a pause on it

 

See ya.

I'll be back

I DO need you.

I WILL jot a few things down

 

But, Mr./Mrs. To-Do

We are temporarily breaking up