Seeds of Thought and Thoughts Of Seeds

It's been eight months now since I did a pretty major life change professionally and that's a story all on it's own.

For the last eight months, though, I've missed this - my personal attempts at writing things to be shared and read by friends and family.

I've hesitated to keep writing because somehow, in a new professional role, I was unsure about how to proceed to talk about "me" publicly when I'm now a little bit more in the public eye than I used to be.  Previously, I could write, post and hide away at home until my next shift came up - which could conveniently be quite a few days away.  Enough days could pass that I could assume that what I had written might have been forgotten, at least forgotten enough that having anyone peek into my thoughts and feelings felt a little less intimidating, even though I've always willingly just been "me", here in my space.

My Dean reminds me that this is called vulnerability and I can assume and confess that vulnerability has been a bit more intimidating when all of my life feels a little less balanced and a little more public with so many changes incurred in the last 8 months.

It's just been weird.

So.

I'd like to get over this weirdness.

Let's just shake hands and make friends with this whole thing and if you could just accept my weirdness, that'd be great.

Moving forward.




I started off wanting to write today because - guess what?  It's gardening season and there's just something about gardening that brings life to me.

I can't help it.

I've even purposed to garden small and simple this year.  I'm working full time, we have a new camping spot nice and close, and I just don't have the mental and physical energy to devote to it this year.

But I got my hands back in the dirt today when I planted my entire front flower display in 10 minutes or less with the least amount of energy and forethought that I've EVER, and I mean EVER, put into any flowers in my life.  And then I took out the phone to snap a few pictures and I started to wander around the yard.

"Simple simple simple.  I can do this."

Front yard - done.
Garden space - ack, needs a lot of work but I'll grow potatoes and a couple of other things and I'm really quite content to leave it at that although there's a good chance that I might change my mind in the coming weeks.
Back patio - messy, needs a bunch of stuff hauled to the dump.
Gazebo - this could be fun again.  But I have to keep it simple!!  And cheap.

It was while I was puttering around the gazebo that I stumbled across this:

This took me quite by surprise.

You see, last year, I tried really hard to turn my gazebo area into something spectacular.  I planned and planted so hard and so purposefully so that the space would be effusive with blooms and blossoms and greenery. I planted these seeds that had been gifted to me a few years ago so that lovely vines would slither their way up the back lattice, bringing shade and greenery and life.

Stupid seeds didn't grow.

I threw some flowering kale in there instead and groaned in frustration over what I deemed to be second best.

Fast forward to this March where I (prematurely yet with anticipation!) started some flowering vines for my gazebo area in a makeshift growing space in my spare room and applauded them when they sprouted then proceeded to forget about them and neglected them and, yeah, they died.

Of course they did.

So when I did a little tour around the gazebo TODAY, imagine my surprise when the seeds that I planted last spring came up, instead, this spring.

They lay dormant for a year and then decided to grow.  And they're good strong healthy seedlings.  I have faith in their future.

Makes me think about, well, us.

We want our lives to always (and even easily) be

audaciously vibrant

progressive

admirable

showy

When, in fact, reality sometimes requires us to be dormant.

To be more concerned about 

.....quietly growing under the cover of snow....

....than actively blooming above ground.......

Quietly growing under the cover of snow sucks.  It's cold and lonely and takes time.

But.  

I have a feeling that these seedlings have managed to both 

SURVIVE 

and 

THRIVE. 

My takeaway from this moment of garden inspiration?

• It's been a long cold winter for me
• I really want to bloom
• Confession: (lol) I want to bloom (ahem) right now
• (Apparently I can't)
• Correction:  I want to bloom when I'm good and ready
• Revelation:  Life isn't always about blooming but it IS always about growing

In the dormancy phases of life, seek the sun.

Update:  in the dormancy phases of life, seek the Son.