Room In My Heart

I've had a week off.

I've had a lazy day.  A grumpy day.  A day spent with family - celebrating wonderful things like someone moving to a new home (!) and my dad's 90th birthday!  Then I had a day where I tried to be productive but didn't get a lot struck off my list.  One day of working at something so diligently that I spent about 9 hours at the computer forgetting to eat or drink and ending the day with a headache.  I've done laundry.  Cleaned the house.  Cleaned the house again.  Made the suppers.  Bought the groceries.  Listened to the stories.  Read the news.  Mourned.  Rejoiced.  Worried. 

Looks like I'll need to do some of those things all over again today.

Clean the house.
Do more laundry.
Feed this family.  .....again....

And hopefully listen to more stories.

My dad sat in his recliner chair on Wednesday night and told us his life story.  He told many stories of what were likely his favorite years - working as a young adult in logging camps up north.  We've grown up with these stories - hearing about the pranks played, the severe winter weather conditions endured, the money he made.  This time he filled in a few more blanks about actual jobs that he did, and jobs that he was asked to do/awarded with - tasks of a speciality nature requiring skill and wisdom - something that he has always had and used in his quiet unassuming way. 




He then told a few more stories of the following decades and glossed over a few years and ended his reflections with thoughts about his family.  It will always be clear to me that We.  Are.  The.  Lights.  Of.  His.  Life.  As he started to talk about his two grandsons (my boys!) the tears started to roll down his cheeks.  He's so proud of them.  There is a big room in his heart for Andrew and Ben. 









There is a big room in my heart for those boys, too.

There have been times recently where I have wished that we could go back a few years.  Kiss their boo boos, distract their temporarily sad faces with a new Hot Wheels car, tuck them into bed between us and watch Veggie Tales when they're feeling sad.

Instead, they talk about future car acquisitions, hoping for budgets beyond the $1.25 Hot Wheels nature. 

And I can't fix every sad face. 

But I still kiss them every chance I get.


I'm kinda wondering what my reflections on life will be if/when I hit 90 (might want to cut back on the chips...).  Will I celebrate my clean house and finished laundry?  What will be the highlight of my years - my work (I love), my music (I love), camp (I love), hobbies (I love), my garden (I love). 

Will my family sit around me in my living room? 

Cause that's who I want to have there with me.

To know what and who to invest myself in is a daily decision.  Sometimes I make good decisions, sometimes my days are wasted. 


I constantly feel the pull to be

more present 
with those that I love 

to give them a better version of me than the one who's worried about laundry and a messy house.




So while I feel that there's -

plenty of room in my heart 
for a LOT of things 
(see list above for my 'loves').....




Maybe I need -

more room in my heart
for less things


Ouch.  This lesson is for me.

Comments

  1. You write so eloquently Maureen. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thanks Cheryl. Always appreciate you coming by to read.

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  2. Beautiful Maureen!! Your Dad (and Mom) have always been an inspiration to me as well!! Silently leading by example.
    They raised some amazingly talented girls as well!!
    Thanks for the reflection and the lesson!!

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    1. Hey Lorna, thanks for reading and for your thoughts! It is such a delight to look back on our chidhood and know that we were genuinely and positively influenced by people "in the neighborhood", whether or not we were really close to them. I love that - so many fond memories of people from the past.

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